i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
