You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
