there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
