If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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