you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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