i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
