Please don't use social media to get back at me.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
