somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
