Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
