with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Dicks are not precious.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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