A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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