i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
