I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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