And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
