you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
