we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
