At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
