She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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