YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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