I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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