Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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