I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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