we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
