Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
