I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
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