also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
