guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't deserve a penis
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
