you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
