how can u be prego again
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
