so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
