and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
