My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
