Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
