So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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