lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize