and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
