I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Alive.
So much puke
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
