So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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