Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
