just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
