So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
