i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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