I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
