She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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