I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
