I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
