So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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