i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
