She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
