I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
