either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Help. Why am I so naked?
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