i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
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Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
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Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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