addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
