Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
