I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
