Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize