Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
