lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
