we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
