I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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