Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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