God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
