You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
