I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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