why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
