drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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