i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
