So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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