no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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