whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
