no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
